"BICS are cool, but CALPS rule." I wish I could properly give credit to the much-wiser-than-me lady who said this regarding ESL, but I cannot remember her name off the top of my head. My apologies. I believe her name was Lilly. Teaching English as a second language in a mainstream English class is a challenge. I'm trying to make sure my Spanish speakers are learning the CONTENT so I try to translate everything I can teach into broken (intermediate level) Spanish. Lectures, tests, notes, t...

I took my exam to be certified to teach English as a Second Language this weekend. Before this test, I took the two-day prep course for the exam. The class was filled, of course. With the majority in Texas being Hispanic, the ESL courses are like meat and potatoes to school districts. Literally (and legally) you can't function without them. When discussing demographics, a woman raised her hand and asked the teacher if she thought we ought to close our borders. The teacher asked, "what do...

I'm starting a new company this year. I'll be distributing aborted fetuses to fine restaurants as part of their new menu. All proceeds will go to support Abortion funding, thereby relieving tax payers of the cost. I'm hiring Grim X as my official advertising vice president. I'm taking openings in other staff positions as the need arises. Also, I'll need some recipes to get this started off. I've suggested FLT -- Fetus, Letuce, Tomato sandwiches. Any others?

So you want to change your ethnicity? Tired of not being able to take pride in your cultural heritage? Maybe you just want something a little different for governmental paperwork. Don’t worry any longer! Now, for only $19.95 you can own the “Change Your Ethnicity How-To Kit!” So I noticed that some ethnicities are favored for certain things. Let’s face it: a white male is going to have a much harder time getting anything from the government than a female or a person of another ethnicity in...

When I was in college I learned that I had to spend a great deal on a course that I didn’t need. The course was a test preparation course. I was a little bitter because the college required it and I didn’t need it. I felt duly prepared for the test. I found out that the college was in trouble for one ethnicity on campus not having a 95% pass rate on the test or higher. Rather than discriminate and make only those of that ethnicity take the course, EVERYONE had to pay a hunk of cash, do the ti...

I think thousands of irreverent and crude comedians have made the observation that everyone is encouraged to embrace and be proud of their ethnicity – except white people. I once had a college professor say that white people have no ethnicity. I still don’t know how she could have arrived at this erroneous conclusion. She said we have no culture. To her credit, when someone says “ethnic” as an adjective, you can almost be certain they are not talking about anything culturally or ethnicall...

I understand the need to express individuality. I understand the urge to put decals on cars expressing opinions, accomplishments, our children's accomplishments, and God knows what all else. I have a rather nice one on my car that does none of the above, but it is nice. There is one exeption. "In Loving Memory of ______." Those are the absolute worse decals. I have so many questions. Where do I begin... First, let me say, if you have one on your car, stop reading right now. I'm ...

"Miss, Why'd you wear that?" "That outfit's clean Miss!" "Did you put that outfit together Miss?" The above statements are all statements taken from my students over the past three years. I've got myriad more. They all have one very peculiar thing in common: they're all statements made by 14 year-old boys. Granted, some may be 15 (And let's be honest, some may even be 16) but these are all statements made by the younger males. I've noticed when Junior and Senior boys complement me,...

I thought about including this in the last article, but then I thought it would get out of hand. I researched for ideas I'd not thought of and some help in explaining pronunciation. I found people are as confused as I am. However, I did find some gold. I'm taking some Southern pronunciations form "The Southern Word" Link and eliminating the ones that are ludicrous or fixing the erroneous ones. Realize, my adaptations reflect my East Texan dialect and could be viewed as erroneous to ...

It's a fact. We all use phrases that are peculiar to our region and dialect. Amazing how even within the Amercian South, myriad dialects betray a speakers geography, quite like our UK neighbor's might. My article on proper "y'all" usage sparked a new idea. I take great joy in learning new phrases and clever ways of saying things. No, not for shock value, per se , but for the joy I get out of mastering a new phrase and incorperating its color into my speech. Yeah. I'm a nerd. Big deal. It...

Anyone who’s spent anytime on my site knows I’m a proud Southerner, ready to share the richness of our heritage. Something I’ve been meaning to write on is the amazing word “Y’all.” My daughter is watching an episode of Scooby-Doo that has a ghost of a confederate soldier in it right now. The ghost used the word “y’all.” He used it incorrectly. Now that just grates under my skin. It made me think some instruction on the word’s proper usage might be in order. “Y’all” is a contraction o...

I've been to church dinners with this one where a whole mess of us were supposed to bring Bananna pudding. Mine is always gone, despite bringing a great vat of it. Tried and proven! You'll need one can of eagle brand milk (or sweetened, condensed milk) One regular container of Whipped cream. One package of instant vanilla pudding mix (I use jello, of course) Nilla wafers (I use a box and a half. I highly recommend using 1 box regular and half box of new tiny wafers. For those of you w...

You know, as I wrote the article on the tomatoes, I found myself wanting to tell you to cook them to the color of a chicken fried steak. But then I heard you yanks saying, "what is a chicken fried steak?" You don't know what Sonic is either. Or that we have Dairy Queens, not DQs. But that's another matter, eh? Grab a tenderized beef steak from your market. Not too thick... look for the kind you'd pan fry. An okie I knew called them minute steaks. Then you wash them. Do your oil the sa...

I realize many of you are yanks and it cannot be helped. As a southerner, I feel compelled to entice you with the southern delicacy made famous by a film of its name: fried green tomatoes. I want to tell you how to make them properly so you won't be afraid to try them yourselves. Yes, you pick them green. Very green. And they need to be firm. Now slice them as thinly as you can. I think thinner is better. They need not be see-through. Don't get all Emeril on me. Just thin. Sprinkl...

I just read a really great article and I recalled my days as a payphone operator. Link I operated phones across America, some in Mexico and the Carribean, some in Ireland, the Virgin Islands, and a few other places. Basically, we were hired by private payphone owners to operate their phones. As a sixteen year-old from Texas (with no accent training yet) my East Texan was thick. I couldn't hide it nor did I know how to do such a thing. "Oh, wow, are you in Texas, then?" New Englander...