Are Pennies the Bane of Society?
Ah, the penny. The only copper coin we have, certainly making ol' Abe distinctive. They're proliferious, too! I guess that makes for an Abundant Abe as well. And they are annoying as all get-out.
Don't lie. Unless your first or last name is Penny, you hate 'em. (A friend of mine got an obscenely-large lincoln tattooed on his back because his last name is... you guessed it.) You despise getting them in your change. In fact, you probably orphan them at the cash register, depositing them in the "give a penny-take a penny" rectical. If I had a penny for every time I've done that...
I'm always picking the silver coinage out of my ashtray o' change whenever I need some extra change. Why do I do that? Why do YOU pick them out of your ash tray, pocket, or purse? Because pennies are good for next to nothing. Name one mechanical device they interact with. Yup, an automatic coin-roller. And the irony is you use that to get RID of 'em. (Note: I hear tale that Illinois is the only state you can use the penny in the toll booth change reptical. I guess Abe still has political pull.)
And you're not going to actually take them in a store and pay with them. How embarassing is THAT? 27 cents? (I just realized there's no cents sign on my keyboard.) Okay, hang on: one, two, three, four... You're moaning now at just the thought of me counting any higher in an article. It's awful. There have been times I've had to do it. (I've bought exactly 94 cents worth of gasoline in pennies before. Hey, it was college!) I can say this: I didn't want to do it. (BTW, Did you know 25 cent gum has gone up? My students were griping about that this week. With tax it's 32 cents now. The indignation of it all!)
And do you see one on the ground and actually bend over and pick one up? Think about it: For every penny you could have picked up and saved, you've saved a proportionate amount of back trouble in later life. And when you drop coins, don't you just check to make sure they weren't silver? I thought so. High school kids are always throwing them at each other to boot.
There are a few solutions -- and I know you're thinking about them.
I hate pennies so much I avoid paying in cash at all costs. I pay with my debit card 99.8% of the time. I hate McDonalds. Get with the program, guys. I need to use my card so I can avoid armies of Abe and their hostile take over of my car. When pennies are on paper and in my account, that's nice. They're more docile there. Not mine to contend with or count or carry.
We could make everything a price that when taxed comes out to an amount payable in silver or dollars. That would be SO lovely... but too easy.
We could just get rid of the friggin' penny. YEAH! No more pennies! Make my wheat penny collection skyrocket in value! never contend with a Canadian Penny imposter again! Penny Loafers no more! (Would it get rid of people's two-cents?)
Trouble: The mint makes money off 'em. It costs less to make them than it does for us to buy them. So the money the mint makes goes toward paying on our national debt. It's true! read about it on their site. Drat. And just when I had it all figured out. The sheer presence of pennies pays. Not only God, but Government must have a sense of humor. It's all I can figure.
Or maybe the Penny could bring anti-debit card corporations to their knees...Guess I'll round some up and get a Fruit-n-yogurt cup.