The things that make me laugh, weep, and live.
Healing in Style
Published on March 27, 2004 By Shulamite In Home & Family
My four-year-old daughter is as feminine as daughters come, I believe. She has yet to eat a meal without a napkin in the past two years. She's all about glitter, poofs, silky-shiny dresses, and sparkly shoes and makeup. Ribbons and painted fingernails, too much lipstick, and flailing ballet steps. Even when she goes fishing, she has her hot-pink Barbie worms. This girl does everything in style.

That said, ask her what she wants to be when she grows up. Obviously, she wants to be something feminine right? She'll tell you first, she wants to learn the violin. Those are her immediate plans. Then, she has plans to be a cheerleader. She also would like to be in a band. (I hear her Uncle Mark saying "YES!" from here.) Then, she wants to be a doctor.

I'm grateful for the influences in my daughter's life -- that's the only reason she can equate "feminine" with "doctor" I believe. She has one of the best doctors we could ever have; an exultation of femininity and scholarship. And this little sponge has absorbed it right up in as few as four years. She hasn't visited her doctor for more than minutes at a time per visit, and maybe two or three times per year on average.

Who are the "little" eyes watching you? What do they pick up? Is it what you want them to absorb?


Comments
on Mar 27, 2004
For real, I don't think many realize the impact they have on kids. Since I work with hundreds of grade school kids everyday I'm proud of the influence I can have on them. I think their parents are coming around too. They recognize that a tattooed pierced male can be a caring role model for their kids...and someone they wouldn't mind seeing their kids emulate. Stressing courtesy, common sense, and fun with kids is so important. So many kids' lives are filled with a lot of nonsense that they don't need to be worrying about. I've been blessed that many kids see me as someone to look up to as it motivates me to be a better person....how's that for ambition....nice post.

Though, a lot could be said for the genderized aspects of your daughters life. Ambition should never be limited to what a gender role will allow a child.
on Mar 27, 2004
"Genderized aspects" -- you mean like the ribbons and bows and such? She makes her share of "mud angels." (We don't have snow for long in Texas.) And notice that she does fish and wants to be a doctor -- those are traditionally male things. She just makes them feminine. I think that's the ultimate way to do anything, is to personalize it and make it yours. Thanks for your insight, Suspeckted... I do care that she knows she could do anything.

Her Uncle Mark is "Tattoed and Pierced" with long hair -- he's one of her favorite people. Of course, his wife is feminine and petite. No boundries or stereotypes here.

Keep doing what your doing. As she starts kindergarten, I'm stressing that she's going to think she has to emulate Britney Spears for attention from others... there's a fear (and a childhood worry I never had).
on Mar 27, 2004
wow, I love uncle Mark. My uncle matt was the most influential people in my life---ever. He was the most unique individual I'd ever encountered, and he taught me not to care what others think---the most important thing I've ever learned.

Trinitie
on Mar 28, 2004
How ironic! Uncle Mark's twin brother is Kat's Uncle Matt! They both play in a band.... that's why I said Uncle Mark would love that she wants to have a band one day.

Trinitie, thanks for your post. My daughter's learning more than just not to care what people think based on surface clues, but also to love other people no matter their reaction and to love people who aren't like her. That's the key...