To paraphrase Elizabeth Elliot: When you're completely broken, don't forget God may be using you to feed the multitude.
I was rather wowed by that thought. God doesn't really use things that aren't broken. If they're not broken, He breaks them. Being broken, then, must not be ALL bad. Is it then a sign that what you're learning is VERY important and should be carefully thought-out before you emerge? I think so. After all, Jesus told Peter, "Feed my sheep" three times; three was kind of the magic number with Peter. Three means it's important to God. But God doesn't always work the way we expect or want Him to work.
Yeah, and so maybe I'm not thinking about how I'm going to feed all the people. Maybe I'm thinking about me. "Hey, what's in it for me, over here?! Ay, God, didja forget about me?" Doubtful. The whole omnicient thing gets in the way. But if God were a human being (or ever was one, like in morman theology) I suppose He could forget. But not my God. You know, the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE... omnipotent, omnicient, omnibenevolent, omni -- what else ya got? In Isaiah He asks us, "Can you even imagine Me without diminishing me?" So why does He break us, make us feel forgetten?
Well, when I spend too much time thinking about myself (pity parties and all that) I get depressed. When I'm praying for me exclusively and not spending the bulk of my prayer life in intercession and/or praise, I'm gettin depressed here! Memememememe.... and then whammo. Conviction. Someone else has it worse. You bet they do! Visit any developing country. Only they don't know they have it worse so they're happier than you (I bet you enjoy THAT irony). The point is: don't dwell on what you don't have and on what you need.
This Shulamite could be kvetching over the fact she's single. "Oi Vei!" I might cry. Yeah and then I'd not be the person I need to be for the man God has for me when he gets here... I'd not be the person God's called me to be! I'm all about the Proverbs 31 woman. The Bible is filled with amazing women who do extraordinary things. Yeah, we know about Rahab and the women who were part of Jesus's following, but what about Deborah, the prophetess and judge who delivered Israel? She was a wife and mother! What about Jael, a female assassin? Why would I miss out on becomming the person God has called me to be JUST because I'm single? I didn't always have that attitude mind you. It came only after being completely broken. I had to totally submit to HIS perfect will. Harder than it sounds, believe me. Don't give me the credit. Hey, I'm just the tool.
Did you know in Isaiah, God asks whether a tool can take credit for what a carpenter does or whether clay can take credit for what the potter does. That right there may be what's keeping you from being broken, my friend.
Another thought about brokenness: You know what happens when you break a vessel? Say a bowl for instance. Whatever is in it spills out, doesn't it? All the junk just pours out. Dirt, or whatever it might be. It won't stay in. Confucious noted that the utility of a vessel comes from its emptiness. In otherwords, you can't use something if it's full. We call prideful people "full of themselves" and we refer to liars as "full of it," whatever "it" may be. So God can't use you if you're full. If the only way he can get you clean is to break you, so be it. Breaking is sometimes painful.
Staying broken is much easier. And it doesn't necesarrily mean that you have to be sad or joyless all the time. I've noticed this about vessels. If you have a high traffic area somewhere at work or home, try this. Put some sort of vessel there. People will come by and try to put things in it. Paper clips, notes, pens, whatever. Just try to keep it empty without telling people they can't put anything in it. I dare you. You have to clean it out all the time. See, we're like those vessels. We can't just seclude ourselves, hiding from everyone. We can't hang a sign on us saying "don't fill me with crap!" or "leave me empty!" Yeah. But if you break that vessel so that it won't hold anything, no one will put anything in it anymore. You'll probably get people noticing all the time that it's broken though. That's when you get to give Glory to God for the brokenness in you. Just stay broken so people will notice. You can still have joy and still do what God purposes for you to do. It's just that you do it as God wants, not anyone else. Even Jesus said, "I only do what I see the Father doing." Amos 3:7 says He tells us what He'll do ALWAYS.
Being broken is daily. You can't do it. Only He can. Confession, Submission, and Obedience and Faith. It works.